February 1, 2013
Whether fate decided to intertwine us together from the beginning remains a hypothesis. I was not able to prepare myself from the fast-approaching conclusion of our relationship and I am still trying to figure out what went wrong and what factors were lacking from the equation. You were right when you said what happened between us was too fast as I did not have the chance to sit down and contemplate on the do’s and dont’s of involving myself to a complete stranger. Logic was no longer present and the rational part of me vanished. It has remained difficult to accept the reality of throwing my beliefs and values out the window after meeting you when these have molded me for the past twenty-four years of my life.It was indeed a gravely mistake acted by a complete stranger who was myself but at the same time was not entirely me. I was lost and I no longer kept track of what was going on. I was watching a different version of me driven by adventure and impulsiveness being immersed into this pit-hole taboo which my old self would never thought of doing in her wildest dream. As I keep pondering about the mistakes I committed and the decisions I made, it all comes down to the point of my actions being undeniably atrocious. This, according to my book of virtue,morality, honor, integrity or whatever you may call it, bellowed indecency. If I could turn back time, I wish I did it the old way, slow down, take a break and try not to cling too much to the idea of belonging to somebody as I do believe I am not liberated or open-minded as I initially thought I was but more like a woman innately raised by the old-fashioned ways of life.