I Fell in Love with His Brain Cells First

Letting go, love

No, he wasn’t your Brad Pitt type of guy. He was your average looking guy walking down the street. That he had messy hair longer than mine, that he sported a beard I despise looking at, that he had this unusual fashion sense of wearing t-shirt on top of his long sleeve shirt and that he never wore jeans. Maybe he didn’t own a pair of jeans because he simply didn’t like wearing one, I don’t really know because I never bothered to ask him. He was a stranger after all, a brainy stranger who callously dominated my mind because I was stupid enough to let him. The fact that my gullibility and foolishness allowed him to strip me of my common sense and pride like they were nothing makes the whole thing ludicrous now that I’m no longer under his spell.

I don’t remember how my emotions started defying logic at one point. I was already irredeemable before I even became aware of the fact that I became a slave of the word “love,” a beguiling emotion to this guy I barely knew. The word I have sneered at the most was manipulating the hell out of me and that this four-letter word and his existence became inseparable. As I have always considered guys who have a flair for writing a plus point, he probably already had me from the beginning. I fell in love with these beautiful writings of a writer I barely knew. This stranger who was older than I am had already sneakily won my heart, unintentionally for that matter.

Spending time with him for the first time was not your typical fairy-tale story wherein girl meets boy, both fall head over heels in love with each other and they live happily ever after. In fact, it wasn’t even closed to this delusional, make-up story. Long before I met him, I was cynical and fuming how twisted fate was. I was mad that my first and last boyfriend who cheated on me wanted to cheat with me. The funny thing is I almost let him coax me to do the crime together, but I realized that I would be on the losing end, again. To repeat the cycle of agony and hatred when my ex cheated on me was the last thing I wanted his girlfriend to endure. It brought back unwanted memories of how I went ballistic when I trusted my then boyfriend and one of my best friends with my life, but both of them mutilated my trust and trampled our friendship like it was nothing. Nonetheless, I gritted my teeth, turned a blind eye to the immorality of what they did and took my ex back for few more months like nothing tremendous happened.

And then, an introverted writer started trudging in my life like it was nobody’s business, and he knew which buttons to push to have me at his fingertips. With his weird habits and callous personality, he was able to yank me away from my convoluted relationship with my ex. He wasn’t born a gentleman I tell you. He said the meanest things. He did the rudest things. He was the only guy who had the nerve to drag me like a five-year old twice because I was stubborn not to do his bidding. A smart, normal girl would probably swing her fist right through his face and walk out like a boss. I did neither of these. I was in loved with the word “love” and with the wrong guy at the same. And now that I am my rational self again and no longer under his spell, it was probably the opposite for him. He never liked me as much as I liked him. That his feelings for me were feeble, until they just disintegrated into thin air one day, thus explained the dwindling text messages.

As I sit her pondering on the ridiculous mess I have gotten myself into, it comes down to a point of letting him go was the best decision I have made so far. Picking up my shattered dignity and common sense I have selflessly ignored for the past few months and waking up from the delusion of love I created alone have made it easier to accept the truth that we weren’t meant for each other from the beginning. Therefore, I deserve a good pat on the back for not bawling my eyes out and for letting him go with cool when he said he found someone else. Was my heart broken? It definitely did. However, I look at this experience with certainty that once in my lifetime I fell in love with a guy’s brain cells first before getting to know what type of person he was. This makes this life-altering experience unique on its own and stands out among those heartbroken love stories you normally come across with. Again, cheers to a clean slate!! 🙂

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